Petworth

The first drive of our short break at Bognor Regis was a yawning drive. That is to say, one of those drives where I seem to start yawning within a few minutes of setting off; a phenomenon which does not seem to be linked with the amount of sleep the previous night. Reasonably reliably stopped by stopping and taking tea; less reliably stopped by lemon sherbets, my driving confectionary of choice. Some care needed as some brands and better than others and as they do keep that long once in the car.

On this occasion the stopping had to wait until we reached Petworth House. Which turned out not to be nearly as grand as the view of it from the park might suggest.

Box bushes

Quite a lot of box bushes between the car park and the house, bushes which looked pretty healthy to me. The gardener we asked said that he knew of no box problems, so presumably the caterpillar has yet to arrive at Petworth. See reference 2 for arrival at Epsom.

Giant redwood, centre rear

Quite a lot of handsome trees. But things started to go wrong when we arrived in the courtyard, that is to say at the back of what you see from the park.

Buttresses

Something had clearly gone wrong, not that long after the main block was put up, with a row of substantial buttresses propping it up. The young lady inside thought it was something to do with subsidence in the cellars below, but whatever the case, it does not look as if the builder looked into ground conditions very carefully.

Servants' block with church tower beyond

To the left of the main block we had the servants' block, with a rather odd church tower behind. We learned afterwards that there had been problems with the spire, resulting in its replacement by the brick capping seen here. Perhaps the same builder as the main block.

Servants' hall, interior

We took a snack in the servants' hall. A large, high room which might well have been cold in the winter unless the masters were generous with fuel for the fires there. We took tea, coffee and a couple of large, warm sausage rolls, delivered on square polystyrene plates. National Trust clearly keen to demonstrate its awareness of the fashion for square plates, while not wanting the expense of real ones. I don't think they were ecological. We did not get to find out why the windows were barred; we could only think to stop the servants fraternising with the natives in the village beyond.

In the corridors a big collection of blacked iron fire backs from home and abroad. A variety of collecting which was new to me.

Heating for his master's pew in the chapel

Chapel ceiling

Fake curtain

On into the house proper, where a lot of it seemed very dingy. A rather odd chapel where, for example, they had a fake curtain drawn across one end, a fake curtain carved from the wood (top left in the snap above). Presumably the estate carpenter came in cheaper than a weaver who would have had to be brought down from the big town.

The  main gallery

Lots of paintings, some good. The fake Bosch has already been noticed at reference 1. There was also quite a lot of classical statuary, a very old manuscript copy of the 'Canterbury Tales' (in good condition and in very neat handwriting, but still more or less illegible as far as I was concerned) and a very old globe. Sadly, the overall tone of the place was dark and dingy and the snap above makes the place look a lot more bright and cheerful than it really was. The other rooms were a bit like a provincial version of the new wing at Hampton Court.

Nave, looking east

Elaborate reredos, heavy sideboard and simple altar

Mary's corner. Whiff of papistry?

Surplus to requirements

Mission statement

Out through the servants wing into the village, with lots of tea shops and antique shops, and we paid a visit to the church (of St. Mary the Virgin) with the unusual tower. The piano has already been noticed at reference 3. We wondered at the relegation of the ancient font to the vestry. We thought that the owner of the large monument might not be too pleased - but then he is in good company with the monuments of many otherwise illustrious gentlemen being consigned to undignified corners of Westminster Abbey. And I felt sorry for the parson: not only is he officiating in a dying church for meagre pay and rations, he has to put up with management speak from head office. Unless - as a second career gentleman - he had put it up himself, the sort of thing he had got used to in his first career.

The eclectic exterior

A substantial yew in the corner of the churchyard

All in all, a place on which much money has been spent over the years, but which did not feel very alive. But hard to see what the church, or anyone else can do about it. And, as things stand, it is an oasis of peace and quiet in an otherwise rather busy world.

Substantial oak one

Substantial oak two

Smoking den by Capability Brown

Trying to get back to the car park, we went through what turned out to be the cow tunnel, ending up on wrong side of the pleasure garden wall, which was not high but contrived to be too high for pensioners. A bonus was the large number of huge, ancient oaks scattered about the park.

On return from the wall, we came across a large party of foreign scientists, apparently there for a serious conference about sound and animal communication. At least that is what we gathered from a chap with broken English. A chap wearing a badge for Liverpool University whom we tried to ask turned out to be an Italian and was unable to help much more, although he managed to be amusing about it, properly Italian in fact. We remain unclear about whereabouts in the house one would hold a conference, it seeming unlikely that there was anything remotely link a modern lecture theatre there.

We took our picnic - brown bread and cheese in my case - on a bench provided in a green space between car parks.

More Sauvignon Blanc from Marlborough

We took dinner in the hotel, the Beachcroft of Bognor. Probably our fourth visit to the place. Bread good and the beetroot flavoured butter that came with it was good. Leek and potato soup OK, albeit a bit creamy. The seafood in the seafood tagliatelle was good enough, but the pasta was drowned in a rich yellow goo, which I did not care for at all. Fortunately BH was very happy with her grilled salmon on salad. The wine was satisfactory. Maybe eight tables while we were there, including one male solo who spent most of his meal on his telephone. The following morning he distinguished himself by checking out while eating an apple - the sort of thing my mother might have been moved to comment on out loud, making sure that both he and the receptionist heard.

For once we had a downstairs room, which had plenty of merit, but one demerit was the modest amount of noise coming from upstairs. A reminder of what flat life was like: will we get to return to it in the future? Perhaps we will be able to wait until we are both more or less deaf and the noise will no longer matter.

PS: Regarding the Akau from Marlborough, an online buff advises: 'Fair green New Zealand SB. Pale yellow in glass. The nose is light and attractive, with hints of green apples, lemon, gooseberry, elderflower and a fine string of jasmine and white flowers running through. High acidity, light body, dry, complex texture - a bit oily, a bit fleece-like. The taste is very green and crisp - gooseberry, elderflower, lime, anise, turning to a great herbal aftertaste full of alpine meadow notes. Light, fresh, simple but delicate - worth a try and an outstanding QPR'. QPR is buff speak for good value for money, otherwise quality price ration. That apart, I have no idea how they dream this stuff up. But for a mid price hotel wine, not bad at all.

Reference 1: http://psmv4.blogspot.com/2019/09/fake-82.html.

Reference 2: https://psmv4.blogspot.com/2019/08/caterpillar-control-episode-1.html.

Reference 3: http://psmv4.blogspot.com/2019/09/piano-22.html.